The January Transfer Window!

The January Transfer Window (JTW) has, like the last day of her big sister summer’s existence, promised much and delivered little. Hyped and anticipated as a period of transition and change it has delivered uncertainty, confusion and tedium.
Manchester City were hotly anticipated to spend as frivolously as ever, yet having at time of writing just about wrapped up the capture of Patrick Vieira from Inter Milan, they have announced no more players will come or go.
Whilst in one sense it is reassuring that despite their resources they are not throwing money around, Mancini’s choice seems bizarre. Vieira is 33, out of form and out of favour in Italy.
City already have De Jong, one of the success stories of the season, protecting their back four, a job which Kompany can also handle comfortably.
“B….but…”, City splutter, “He won titles with Arsenal, Juventus (kind of) and Inter, and he’s got loads of experience! And he worked under Mancini once already!”
All true. But what does it mean now? Arsenal are a whisper away from second place in the Premiership with a squad which, compared to City, are complete rookies.
Yes experience is important, but you can’t measure it out in the same way as talent. “Vieira may not have the speed and ability of Messi, but he’s got experience!” Wow, put me down for three please.
Talking of Arsenal, how I dread this times. Wenger won’t even allow us to dream, snaffling out any pesky rumours of us signing a star forward with a weary, “I like the player, but we could not sign him,” followed by a shrug.
Instead he drags long term targets around like a pretty drunk girl staggering across the dancefloor, dragging her expensive coat through beer and sick and trying to find the door.
She makes occasional smiles and signals which the rest of us lap up gleefully, convinced something incredible is going to happen, and then she just ends up stuffing a number just about containing six zeroes in your pocket and getting a taxi, and we have to wait three years before Nasri hits form.
Fergy behaves admirably at these times, signing the one or two players he wants quickly and smoothly and then shutting the fuck up about it. He allows the papers to speculate and gesticulate wildly and gets on with doing his job. United will sign no one during JTW’s visit.
Chelsea always seem to be the side that the great and good of European football want to go to. Other English teams are too English, like gravy and mining, apart from Arsenal who don’t have any money.
If they manage to get Sergio Aguero, they’ll have done well. He’s young, seems like a lovely lad by all accounts and he can’t half kick a football. But Chelsea have the resources to win the league this season and Ancelotti, a man who does not seem like he tolerates many fools let alone the JTW, knows this.
So what else? Benitez has shown yet again that he is a terrible businessman by selling another flop at a big loss, this time the blundering Andrea Dossena. These kind of actions leave the Spaniard with 10p and half a polo to spend, which they will use to purchase Maxi Rodriguez from Athletico Madrid.
Alex McLeish has been handed a king’s ransom with which to bolster Birmingham City’s title push, and the Scot has, in his wisdom, deemed Darren Bent’s understudy Kenwyn Jones worthy of 11 of these millions. Blimey.
Old man Redknapp has managed to keep his massive jowly mouth surprisingly shut so far but it can only be a matter of time before he starts grooming someone like Matthew Upson on the internet, asking if he’d like to take off his kit and put on Uncle Harry’s special white shirt.
Martin O’Neill is too worried about players leaving to sign anyone. He is an excitable, slightly edgy Irish man and it’s very important that he keeps his squad together. Aston Villa will do fine this season.
Roy Hodgson is a sensible man who manages a sensible football club, and he seems to have made the most sensible signing of anyone so far, bringing in 20 year old Roma striker Stefano Okaka which just seems like a good move, even though I have not a clue who the guy is. He won’t cost very much and he’ll do the business won’t he.
It’s very late, but there’s just enough time to point out that Goal 7, the seventh in the popular football film series, is out now on JTW pictures, starring Landon Donovan as the American footballer who signs on loan to Everton and finds love, goals, and a crippling grit and gas crisis.

Wrap up warm!

AP